Do you ever feel fear even when things are going well?
Do you ever talk yourself out of opportunities before anyone else can reject you?
Do you ever cheer for everyone around you but secretly bully yourself in your own head?
Do you ever feel like if something good starts happening, you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop?
Yeah. Same.
People see me as an encourager. I am the girl who will hype you up, remind you of your calling, and tell you not to quit when things get hard. I will look you dead in the face and say, you’ve got this, you were made for this, God didn’t bring you this far to leave you now.
But here’s the plot twist.
When it comes to me, I am my own worst enemy.
I am the CEO of self-criticism.
The Olympic gold medalist of self-doubt.
The kind of person who could win an award and still whisper to herself, yeah but was it really that good?
Growing up, I lived under the shadow of perfection. Not the healthy kind that pushes you to grow, but the toxic kind that convinces you that anything less than flawless equals failure. I learned early that nothing was ever good enough, including me. So I internalized this belief that I was never worthy enough, never ready enough, never enough.
And with that belief came a pattern.
Anytime something good started happening, I would self-destruct.
Because disappointment hurts less when you sabotage yourself first.
I grew up without belief in myself, and that has been my biggest battle my entire life.
Fear has been my loudest voice.
Recently, I finished shooting my reality TV sizzle reel. This was not a small thing. This was time, energy, vulnerability, and a lot of money. When someone asked me how I felt about it, my immediate response was fear dressed up as humility.
I said, I don’t know.
I’m not sure if it’s good enough.
I’m scared I messed up.
Classic me.
And then something happened that stopped me in my tracks. The Holy Spirit spoke to me so clearly and said, by the measure of your faith, it shall be done.
Let me tell you, that sentence scared me more than failure ever could.
Because I realized something terrifying.
My fear was not neutral.
My fear was active.
Fear is not just anxiety. Fear is faith in the negative.
I had spent money. I had done my best. I had shown up fully. But the voice in my head kept telling me it was not good enough, that I ruined everything, that this one mistake would destroy my future and cancel my destiny.
And suddenly I understood. If I kept choosing fear, I was prophesying my own defeat.
So I did something that felt unnatural. I made a decision.
I said out loud, I choose faith.
I choose to believe this sizzle reel is amazing.
I choose to believe God is in this.
I did not feel confident when I said it. I felt terrified. But I said it anyway.
A few days later, the editor sent the rough cut of the sizzle reel. And by faith, it was done. It turned out incredible. I was proud of it. Not fake proud. Real proud.
And that moment taught me something I am still learning every day.
Faith is not the absence of fear.
Faith is choosing not to let fear be the final word.
This battle is ongoing for me. I do not win every day. Some days I walk in faith. Some days fear drags me by the ankles. But I know this. The one thing that helps me defeat this lifelong struggle is choosing faith first.
Because according to my faith, it is done.
There have been so many opportunities I missed because fear gripped me. And fear is powerful because it works exactly like faith. The difference is direction. Fear believes something bad will happen. Faith believes something good will happen. Both are believing. Both are declarations. Both shape outcomes.
The moment I chose faith, positivity followed.
Now I try to walk in faith with every decision I make, because fear cancels the very thing I am hoping for.
And let’s be honest. Sometimes we have faith and things still do not go the way we want. We invest money into projects that do not pay off. We build careers that stall. We pour our hearts into something and it does not produce the results we expected.
From the outside, it looks like failure.
For a long time, I believed that too.
I was angry about the money I invested into my YouTube channel. I felt cheated. I felt stupid. I kept thinking about the financial return I did not see.
Then the Holy Spirit asked me a question that changed everything.
What fruits came from it?
That forced me to stop and actually look.
I learned that details matter.
I learned how to film, produce, direct, and act.
I learned patience.
I learned discipline.
I learned storytelling.
In 2025, one of the biggest blessings of my life was meeting Giada De Laurentiis from Food Network. One of my favorite chefs. That conversation would never have happened if I did not have a cooking show. She would have never given me a second glance.
I learned how to cook better. Slowly. Awkwardly. Sometimes horribly. But better.
And the biggest fruit of all was the birth of the idea to pursue a reality TV show.
The season did not produce finances.
It produced growth.
And growth is more valuable than short-term money.
Because what I learned will allow me to multiply future finances. What I learned developed my character. What I learned prepared me for what comes next.
Now I no longer see failure as failure. I see it as fruit inspection.
Every situation has fruit. Every season grows something. Not every harvest is money. And that is okay.
Money is amazing. Let’s not pretend it isn’t. But development will take you further than a quick payout ever will.
Now, whenever something goes right or wrong, I ask one question. What fruits came from this?
Because no situation is truly negative. There is always something to learn. Something to grow. Something to develop.
Lastly, I have learned to guard my heart and my mouth.
Because words matter.
The tongue is powerful. It can bring life or destruction. It can build dreams or bury them. It can call things into existence or kill them before they breathe.
So now I choose to speak life.
I choose to prophesy over myself.
I choose to speak in faith even when my voice shakes.
Because I am learning that faith is not passive. Faith is spoken. Faith is chosen. Faith is practiced.
And faith is the very thing that will fulfill the dreams God placed inside of us long before fear ever showed up.
Lesson:
Fear will always try to sound logical. Faith often sounds reckless. But fear only preserves comfort, while faith creates destiny. Choose faith anyway.
Remember you are my lovers, whether you love me or love to hate me you are still my lover!
Don’t forget Jesus loves you and so do I!